Hungover sitting in my 11am Rhetorical Theory class, clearly paying more attention to my pounding head then to ethos, pathos, and logos, I started thinking about the night before. My best friend in his car bomb, incredible hulk, and PBR induced drunkenness looked straight at me, and with both hands grabbed my face. AH! I caught you! You thought he was going to kiss me didn't you? Seriously people? Did you completely forget about my last post already? Just like the paparazzi always jumping to conclusions. Anyway, with his clammy cold hands on my Irish sun burned cheeks he looked straight into my eyes and said, "I'm really going to miss you Re-Bone."
Now I don't know where that goofy nickname came from, that's a very recent development within our friendship, but his words hit a nerve. He was going to miss me. Why did he tell me that? Was it because he thought after graduation we would never see one another again, or was it his Animal House level of drunkenness? It was at that moment when the thought of graduation hit me. I mean really hit me.
As I sat in class thinking this over I began to panic. I imagined my graduation. Bidding tearful goodbyes to people that I may never see again. Leaving this place that I have called my home for the past four years. Leaving my closest friends to do...do...What am I going to do? A frenzy of sheer dread hit the pit of my stomach.
I know what I'm good at here, but could I do it somewhere else? Can I make it as a writer? Is student affairs something I really want to do as a career? It was a very big Elle Woods moment. Minus the wardrobe of pink, the chihuahua, and, okay so it wasn't like that at all. Thousands of similar thoughts filled my throbbing skull. I could feel my heart beat in my head. The room began to spin. I jumped up out of my chair and the next thing I knew I was on my knees in the bathroom with the smell of Guinness filling my lungs.
I sat there on the floor in the ladies room and I felt like a freshman again. With my legs stretched out, one on either side of the toilet trying to figure out whether I threw-up because of one too many car bombs or out of fear. The words I'm never drinking again came to my mind, but lets face it that's never going to happen. I tried to block the idea of the future and the vomit. Then I realized it's okay to be missed. Being missed means that you made a difference. That's when I decided that I wasn't going to be scared anymore. (Of the future not the vomit.) I'm going to do what I want to do and I'm not going to apologize for the path I take.
So I stood up, flushed the toilet, and walked over to the sink. With my hands full of foamy soap I looked up at the mirror. The vision I saw was someone who would be missed, who would be remembered, who made her mark, and would continue to do so wherever she ends up.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
What is Love?
Love *sigh* Ah, Love, that feeling you get when that special someone gives you that diamond. I mean money...oh shit, I totally fucked up!
So, love. What is love? Is it money and diamonds and airtime on VH1? Cause if I was a 13 year old girl that's what I would think love is.
Even though Flavor of Love is my (and many other college students') guilty pleasure it makes me think about what they are teaching young girls. The women on this show parade around in skimpy clothing in front of a man who (in most cases) is WAY WAY old for them. On top of that they are fighting with all the other skanky bitches in the house to find "true love." (Although I really enjoyed when 'Punkin' spit that big ol' logy at 'New York.' It was bad ass.) Young girls are getting the wrong idea about true love and I worry that watching this show will make them think that they need to dress trashy and play head games to get boys.
Flavor of Love and all the other reality shows out there like it portray love as a competition; a game. I HATE when love is looked at as a game! It's something that only the lucky enjoy. You can't force love by winning a competition, showing your boobs, or kissing a guy that the 20 other whores in the house kissed. (um, can you say herpes?) Love is something special, something sacred, and when reality TV strips it down and leaves it standing there naked and exposed it's not special anymore. It becomes dirty and worthless. That is not something love should ever be.
To the 13 year-old girls of reality TV land: Don't become one of these women. Love can't be found on poorly made TV, it's just something that kind of falls in your lap. It isn't planned and you can't put your name on a list and have it given to you. There's no need to change the person you are to get it either. Your boobs can stay in your shirt and your ass doesn't have to hang out of the bottom or your skirt either. Believe it or not someone will love you for the person you are right now, and when love does find you it will be the most amazing thing ever...and you don't even have to kiss nasty old Flavor Flav to keep it.
So, love. What is love? Is it money and diamonds and airtime on VH1? Cause if I was a 13 year old girl that's what I would think love is.
Even though Flavor of Love is my (and many other college students') guilty pleasure it makes me think about what they are teaching young girls. The women on this show parade around in skimpy clothing in front of a man who (in most cases) is WAY WAY old for them. On top of that they are fighting with all the other skanky bitches in the house to find "true love." (Although I really enjoyed when 'Punkin' spit that big ol' logy at 'New York.' It was bad ass.) Young girls are getting the wrong idea about true love and I worry that watching this show will make them think that they need to dress trashy and play head games to get boys.
Flavor of Love and all the other reality shows out there like it portray love as a competition; a game. I HATE when love is looked at as a game! It's something that only the lucky enjoy. You can't force love by winning a competition, showing your boobs, or kissing a guy that the 20 other whores in the house kissed. (um, can you say herpes?) Love is something special, something sacred, and when reality TV strips it down and leaves it standing there naked and exposed it's not special anymore. It becomes dirty and worthless. That is not something love should ever be.
To the 13 year-old girls of reality TV land: Don't become one of these women. Love can't be found on poorly made TV, it's just something that kind of falls in your lap. It isn't planned and you can't put your name on a list and have it given to you. There's no need to change the person you are to get it either. Your boobs can stay in your shirt and your ass doesn't have to hang out of the bottom or your skirt either. Believe it or not someone will love you for the person you are right now, and when love does find you it will be the most amazing thing ever...and you don't even have to kiss nasty old Flavor Flav to keep it.
I just want to have Fun...with the Boys
I'm that girl. That girl that every girlfriend dreads...NO NOT THE HOME WRECKER...well not anymore. (that was a one time freshman year of college thing) I'm the girl that your boyfriend hangs out with one on one and invites to hang out with his boys. I'm that friend. The girl that can chug a beer better than most frat boys. The girl that can get down and dirty in the mud playing football and not give a shit if she breaks a nail. The girl that knows how to use an electric drill, a chop saw, and a table saw. And on top of all that looks damn good in a little black dress and stiletto heels.
My closest friends are guys, and contrary to popular belief I do not want to have sex with any of them. In fact it's all beers and burping until one of them gets a girlfriend. That's when the shit hits the fan. After meeting me even if it's only a quick introduction will without fail HATE me. I don't even have to do anything. Based on that I hang out with them on a regular basis, frequently alone, they don't like me. That really upsets me. But the worst part is that I really want to see my friends happy, but when I'm disliked by someone that brings that happiness it's really hard.
I think what bothers me the most about my situation are the movies that help form me into the pining friend stereotype. The movie that really rings this true to home is My Best Friend's Wedding. While I don't have a pact to get married to any of my friends nor am I attracted to any of them, but we are close like that. I'm not just sitting around waiting for one of them to get married or break up with a girlfriend to make a move, it's just not what I do. And I don't care how good looking the guys are, cause I have some hot guy friends, it still doesn't make me want them.
This shit happens in Hollywood too. When a celebrity is seen with a member of the opposite sex they're automatically fucking. Sometimes I feel like everyone on campus is a member of the paparatzi. At least once a week I get asked, "Are you with [fill in the blank with friends name]?" or "What's up with you and [fill in the blank with friends name]?" My answers are no and nothing!
For the record there's nothing going on between me and my guy friends. I mean I might even be going to a batcholar party...how much more guy like can you get?
My closest friends are guys, and contrary to popular belief I do not want to have sex with any of them. In fact it's all beers and burping until one of them gets a girlfriend. That's when the shit hits the fan. After meeting me even if it's only a quick introduction will without fail HATE me. I don't even have to do anything. Based on that I hang out with them on a regular basis, frequently alone, they don't like me. That really upsets me. But the worst part is that I really want to see my friends happy, but when I'm disliked by someone that brings that happiness it's really hard.
I think what bothers me the most about my situation are the movies that help form me into the pining friend stereotype. The movie that really rings this true to home is My Best Friend's Wedding. While I don't have a pact to get married to any of my friends nor am I attracted to any of them, but we are close like that. I'm not just sitting around waiting for one of them to get married or break up with a girlfriend to make a move, it's just not what I do. And I don't care how good looking the guys are, cause I have some hot guy friends, it still doesn't make me want them.
This shit happens in Hollywood too. When a celebrity is seen with a member of the opposite sex they're automatically fucking. Sometimes I feel like everyone on campus is a member of the paparatzi. At least once a week I get asked, "Are you with [fill in the blank with friends name]?" or "What's up with you and [fill in the blank with friends name]?" My answers are no and nothing!
For the record there's nothing going on between me and my guy friends. I mean I might even be going to a batcholar party...how much more guy like can you get?
Monday, February 11, 2008
There's no crying in Politics...Or is there?
Voting. I am allowed to do it because women of past generations rallied for the right for me to. And I do vote. Women have been voting for decades now, and considering we have IQs higher than most toaster ovens I would say we do a pretty good job of it.
The other day I walked into the voting booth, pulled the curtain shut behind me, and I cast my vote. I voted for Hilary Clinton. My reasoning behind this is because of her political views, NOT because she cried on television. Fox news and CNN enjoyed complaining about how Hilary is really gunning for the womans vote and that is why she cried on national television. As an intelligent person (please note that I said person and not woman.) I would never vote for someone based on sympathy or because of an emotional display.
Seriously you national TV bullshit news casters, what kind of idiot do you think I am? Oh yeah, that's right - I'm not! I will vote for the deligate that I feel will do the best for our country. I don't vote based on who my parents vote for, who is hot, or because someone cried on TV. It's true I am a woman. I know. I know. Big shocker! I'm sympathetic to women and I cry and all that other bullshit that goes along with it. But I am intelligent and you need to shut-up and deal with it!
The other day I walked into the voting booth, pulled the curtain shut behind me, and I cast my vote. I voted for Hilary Clinton. My reasoning behind this is because of her political views, NOT because she cried on television. Fox news and CNN enjoyed complaining about how Hilary is really gunning for the womans vote and that is why she cried on national television. As an intelligent person (please note that I said person and not woman.) I would never vote for someone based on sympathy or because of an emotional display.
Seriously you national TV bullshit news casters, what kind of idiot do you think I am? Oh yeah, that's right - I'm not! I will vote for the deligate that I feel will do the best for our country. I don't vote based on who my parents vote for, who is hot, or because someone cried on TV. It's true I am a woman. I know. I know. Big shocker! I'm sympathetic to women and I cry and all that other bullshit that goes along with it. But I am intelligent and you need to shut-up and deal with it!
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